omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
