It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
