Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
