It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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