I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
