you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
