drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
