So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
