I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
