Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
