I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
