he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
