So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
