how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
