I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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