??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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