i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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