i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
