Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
