what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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