Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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