She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think a kid would responsible me up
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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