Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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