Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
