Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
