Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
