what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
