I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
