This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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