did you get engaged???
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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