i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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