Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
