I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
