I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
