so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
