my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
