Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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