Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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