A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I would ride that face into the sunset
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
