is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
