I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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