sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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