seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
