It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
