you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
