Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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