Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This baby is an asshole
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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