You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
