I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
