He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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