____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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